The schlock you won't want to miss today.
» Buffy The Vampire Slayer 6pm, Sky One ... We like Zander when there's just one of him, so the idea of a matching pair is beyond our wildest dreams. But that's exactly what happens tonight when the buff Buffy boy is split in two. And! Nick Brendon's identical twin appears as the spare Zander!
» EastEnders 7.30pm, BBC1 ... Alfie and Spencer panic when Nana Moon goes missing. Surely that's a cause for celebration, not sadness?
» Carol Vorderman's Better Homes 7.30pm, ITV1 ... Carol and the team create a "conservatory-cum-dining-room". Insert your own joke.
» Facelifts From Hell 2003 9pm, ITV1 ... Lynne Perrie, best remembered for fondling male strippers on satellite TV and, to a lesser extent, playing Ivy Tilsley on Coronation Street, spills the beans on the disastrous lip enlargement that led to her sacking from the soap.
» Brookside 11.05pm, Channel 4 ... Brookie continues to delight as it sinks slowly into soap oblivion. Last week, we loved the storyline about the teenage boy stealing a Portaloo because he had been unable to use the family toilet since his mother flushed his dead father's ashes down it. Who knows what could be next?
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.