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Fake Bake

CHEESY! The One and Only, BBC One, 7.30pm and 9.40pm
CHEEKY! Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway, ITV1, 8.15pm

We don't know whether The One and Only has had its life cut short early, or whether it was always destined to be such a short run, but tonight, folks, is your grand final. And there are FIVE-count-em superstar impersonators competing for the chance to appear in Las Vegas. Er, in a tribute act show. Wooop!

So who will it be? Fake Robbie? Fake Lionel? Fake Diana? Fake Dusty? Fake Frank? To be honest, we don't care, because we wanted Fake Kylie, who looked and sounded exactly like Sam Fox, to go through and confuse the Vegas crowd. If that's your aim, Fake Robbie is probably now the best bet. If you want the most convincing, we're not sure. Possibly fake Lionel, but his ego is a bit ridiculous for someone on a glorified Stars in Their Eyes. Anyway, Fake Frank will win, so it's all a moot point.

This series has been utterly bizarre, and whilst it has been a pleasure to see Carrie and David Grant judging again, we don't need to bring it back for a second series. Surely there can be other ways of keeping them gainfully employed. We actually always liked Fame Academy you know...

Anyway, from one show that celebrates all that is fake, to another. Except we are sure Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway will have recovered from its minor slap on the wrist for phone fakery shenanigans last year (after all, everyone else was doing it, why couldn't they?). We expect a little self-knowing joke/apology early on and then business as usual.

We've never really been sure about this show. It's alright, we suppose, perfectly reasonable Saturday night fare. But it doesn't seem to do anything that The Late Late Breakfast Show and Noel's House Party didn't already do. Drawing on that comparison, expect to see Ant and Dec fall out with telly bosses soon, go into hiding with a poorly-themed Byker Grove theme park, where you too can learn about the dangers of paintballing blindness, only to emerge trimphant several years later babbling some nonsense about the cosmos and presenting one of those game shows that appeals to students and the elderly.

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And yet, you try to make me forget who I really am...


SCREAM! The One and Only, BBC1, 6:25 and 9:20pm

Now, we didn't preview The One and Only last week, because we sort of had a silent team stand-off at lowculture towers over doing last Saturday and no-one caved in. So to repent, today we're previewing multiple shows, starting with this one.

This is a rum concept for a show. Essentially, it's a variant on Stars in Their Eyes. We are asked to vote for the best tribute act from a selection of Madonna, Robbie Williams, Frank Sinatra, Dusty Springfield, Lionel Richie, Diana Ross, Cher, Kylie Minogue (played by the woman on today's picture. And that's her AS KYLIE. Right. Also: she's 25!! That wig does her (and Kylie) no favours), Elton John, Rod Stewart and two 'mystery' acts.

We only saw bits of this last week (and tragically couldn't find it on iPlayer) but the finalists were chosen from three frontrunners by a panel of 'superfans', who apparently chose all the wrong ones.
It's also giving work to Carrie and David Grant, who probably haven't been doing much since the demise of Fame Academy, so that's nice.

The prize, by the way, is a Vegas showcase. So your moral duty is surely to vote for Kylie or Robbie to confuse the Americans...

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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