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Runway for your life

FIERCE! America's Next Top Model, Living, 9.00pm

It's ANTM finale time again - hooray! Assuming you don't already know who won, this is a very exciting time. Unfortunately, as LoveMusic on the boards discovered, it's very hard to exist on the internet without accidentally being spoiled for the latest handful of Top Model winners. We not only know who won this cycle, we also know the winner of cycle nine, the finale of which just aired in America last week. Sigh. However, there be no spoilers here, so do not worry; we're just going to assess the chances of the three finalists. And talk about how amazing Dionne was. Wasn't she great? She was never going to win, but she was the most entertaining contestant in years. We have a .wav file of her trademark "what the hay-ell?" exclamation and everything.

So, our three finalists are Natasha, Jaslene and Renee. Perhaps surprising to some - we thought Brittany was a lock on for the top three, perhaps even the win, until she had that spectacular freak-out during the go-sees in Australia and blamed "the fucking cab driver", leading to her being the first girl in ANTM history who didn't get a single designer on the go-sees saying they would book her. That's not a record anyone is likely to be proud of. Equally, we didn't expect Renee to get this far because she was getting the obligatory "you photograph old" comments a lot at the beginning, which are generally considered a portent of doom. Also, she was a bit of a raging bitch, but then she calmed down a lot and has had quite a nice redemption edit, so she could totally be the surprise winner.

Jaslene, the charming but utterly unintelligible girl who claims to have been raised by drag queens, has been putting in a pretty strong showing. She's got a strong portfolio behind her and looks to be the girl to beat - but so did Nik and Joanie, and look what happened there. And finally we have the lovely Natasha, the Russian girl who insists she's definitely not a mail-order bride, even if no one entirely believes her. We thought she was being kept around for the hilarious culture-clash comedy and the obvious laughs to be gained from the language barrier, but she's proven herself to have serious model potential, even if she let herself down at last week's outback photo shoot.

As ever, the finale involves them all shooting a CoverGirl print ad and commercial, after which one girl will be eliminated, leaving the other two to stomp each other to death on the final runway challenge. Let the weaves fly!

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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