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It's a Jungle Out There

LADY DICK! I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, ITV1, 9pm

It’s that time of year again, when a handful of people you’ve never heard of (and one or two you have) venture into the Aussie outback to eat bugs and suchlike. A ‘ratings winner’ on the beleaguered ITV network (we love calling it that), we can’t say this show is a true LC favourite (The thread for the last three series combined has only 3 pages in – compared to Any Dream Will Do’s 35, and X Factor series 4’s 44).

However, although we don’t usually make the effort with this one, we offer three reasons why this year’s may be more entertaining than most:

Cerys Matthews! Whose entry has made shock waves ripple through the messageboard. (Well, a few people were a bit disappointed she lowered herself to this), but who sould be entertaining and by virtue of Catatonia’s back catalogue alone, deserves to be Queen of the Jungle. With a new Welsh-lanugage album out, it’s clear she’s courting the Welsh market – and as we all know from BB, The X Factor and Strictly, regional goes down well…

Janice Dickinson! The star of America’s Top Model and (alleged) lover of plastic surgery should prove the most entertaining jungle star yet. If you haven’t seen her antics on ANTM, or that show she did with Abbey Clancy, you may have caught her mad romp on Jonathan Ross where she flirted shamelessly with Andrew Lloyd Webber (and decided she could marry him and become ‘Lady Dick’), pwned John Barrowman and talked about how ‘any hole will do’. In short, a wild, unpredictable bag of filfth.

Katie Hopkins! Well, perhaps. Tabloid rumours suggested the cold blooded killer from The Apprentice was going in. The official line-up doesn’t include her in it, but apparently she is in Australia right now. We can but hope. Janice vs Katie would make even the most bug-squeamish of us tune in.

Your other jungle-ites are: Gemma Atkinson (famous for Hollyoaks, Hollyoaks In the City, Hollyoaks LetLoose and taking her clothes off a lot), Marc Bannerman (Gianni Di Marco from EastEnders, famous for going out with Nadia Sawhalha. Presumably they are no longer an item, but if anyone knows, we’d love you to confirm), John Burton Race (the most wankerish of all the celebrity chefs who sullied the reputation of Dame Angela Hartnett, kitchen goddess, by appearing with her in the admittedly rubbish Kitchen Criminals), Lynne Franks (famous PR lady), Rodney Marsh (something in sport), Anna Ryder Richardson (the one off Changing Rooms who always used Barbie pink in every room she did) and ‘J’ from Five (the sort-of-fit-sort-of-ugly one with the buff body who looked about ten years older than the others). Malcolm McLaren has already walked out, the big wuss.

We can’t promise it’ll be the most entertaining ‘reality’ show of the year… but it’ll surely be better viewing than this year’s Celeb BB was….

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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