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Friday, September 08, 2006

Tick-tick-tick-tick-BOOM!

BANG! Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.00pm

HollyoaksBlimey missus - it's a double bill of Hollyoaks! Something dramatic must be afoot, for sure. It can't have escaped the avid fans/haterz of Hollyoaks here at LOWCULTURE that Sam The Non-Evil Rapist Who Later Became Evil Anyway Because That's Clearly What Being A Rapist Does To You has been popping up a lot lately and looking rather twitchy. Admittedly, looking twitchy is just what a lot of this show's cast members consider to be acting, but Sam TNERWLBEABTCWBARDTY is actually twitching for good reason - he's out for revenge.

Revenge in the form of setting The Dog on fire - hooray! It's no secret that five whole cast members are set to die in the blaze (not in real life, obviously), and in fairness most of us know by now who they're going to be, but just in case you're unspoiled we shall keep our lips sealed for now. But! We will mention that the people caught in the blaze may include, and are not limited to, the following: Sam (obviously), OB, Mel and Sophie ("affectionately" known as The Lockjaw Twins on the messageboards), Russ, Joe, Olivia, Nicole, Zoe and Darren. In fairness, whoever dies, aren't we all winners, really?

In non-fire-related news (like anyone cares), Mel and OB challenge toddler-bullying Clare about her treatment of Max, and Russ does it with Mercedes McQueen. Who cares? FIRE! DEATH! WOO!

By Steve :: Post link :: ::  
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3 Comments:

I FUCKING LOVE HOLLYOAKS AND THIS IS SERIOUSLY GONNA BE ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:05 pm  

Hopefully Sam blows up Liverpool and takes Lisa Hunter and Ben with him and the rest of the Dog!

By Blogger Mr. Kirkland Ciccone, at 10:11 pm  

Why did Nice Twin have to die? That was so rubbish. And Olivia, I was just beginning to like her. GRR. Could have chucked out a few rubbishies, e.g Jake, girl from Valentines, Max/Clare (who really cares).

HOLLYOAKS IS WAY DUMB.
But I watch it religiously. Which says a lot about me really.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:24 pm  

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