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Monday, April 10, 2006

Au revoir, bitches!

FINALE! America's Next Top Model, Living TV, 9.00pm

We're here because we're here because we're here because we're here! Yep, it's the finale of cycle five of America's Next Top Model, and it seems like only yesterday that this lot were just another bunch of hairweave-less bitches whose names we could never quite remember. Along the way we've lost Ashley, Ebony, Cassandra, Sarah, Diane, Coryn, Kyle, Lisa, Kim and That Bitch Jayla (which is totally her official name), and now we're left with the cream of the modelling crop. Er, and Bre.

Let's not leave ourselves under any illusions here - even to the unspoiled, it's obvious that Bre will be the first one cut in tonight's show, partly because her portfolio isn't that great, and mainly because over the past few weeks she has gone absolutely weave-soaking crazy and made it her mission in life to destroy Kim and Nicole. It's actually a curious thing about Top Model, that you always get one girl who starts off quiet and completely normal, but who turns into a complete crazy beyotch by the endgame. See also: Yaya and Keenyah. There is also the valid reason that Tyra will not stand for any successful crazy bitch on this show other than herself. See also: the current absence of Janice Dickinson.

Anyway, the real competition in tonight's show is between Nicole and Nik. Nicole is the apple-cheeked English rose (despite not actually being English) Nicole Kidman-lookalike, while Nik is the edgy, high-fashion girl who takes great pictures. Who will it be? Well, we actually know, but we won't spoil it for you. Little hint for y'all: if you don't want to know who wins, then don't watch any video content on the UPN website, because even if you're watching clips of other shows (like the awesome Veronica Mars), you get a clip beforehand of My Life as a CoverGirl, starring this year's winner. You can also see clips of last year's winner, Naima, as she goes to see designers who are thinking of casting her (but who blatantly don't, because if anything that important happened to her, they wouldn't bother showing us the rest of the bollocks) and spends the rest of her time sitting around with her "friends" having CoverGirl makeup parties. Ooh, ooh! I want to be a Top Model too!

So, Living TV - when do we get cycle six (currently airing in America)? Huh? Huh?

By Steve :: Post link :: ::  
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