Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Chrissie Chrissie bang bang
BYE! EastEnders, BBC1, 7.30pm
It's the end of an era tonight in Albert Square, as perennial LOWCULTURE favourite Chrissie Watts is finally brought to justice.
Born into soapland under an inauspicious star as the new wife of the entirely unwelcome Den Watts, we grew to love her as she grew steadily more unbalanced and more scheming and her hair grew more fabulous. It didn't take a genius to work out that Chrissie's days in the Vic were numbered from the second she whacked Den over the head (for the second time) with Pauline's doggy doorstop. Soap justice is a tricky thing, and while men are generally given quasi-heroic status for bullying, cheating and often murdering, female characters are never allowed to transgress in the same way and must always be brought to task for attempting to step outside of their accepted roles, which are (or were the last time we checked) serving beans in the caff, working behind/managing a bar, cutting hair, running a bookie's, answering phones in a cab firm, the laundrette, or the role of full-time baby machine to Ian Beale. It doesn't matter that Chrissie did us all a favour by offing the odious Den, she did the crime and she will inevitably have to do her time.
We'd love a happy exit for Chrissie, but you just know it ain't going to be so. We're smarting about the suggestion that she will be outwitted by both Ian Beale and Sharon Rickman in her last day on the Square (both people who would, on any other day, lose a battle of wits with a pair of cotton boxerbriefs), but as long as Chrissie's comeuppance is exciting and dramatic we might be able to find it in our hearts to forgive the production team. At least she won't have to stay in the square to produce The Spawn of Beale, or suffer the most humiliating fate of all: the Black Cab of Career Death to Leicester. But don't cry too soon – this isn't quite the last we'll see of our curly-topped heroine, oh no...