Tuesday, January 20, 2004
HEY-HO, AUNTIE MO!
A woman of the world, there isn't a thing our Mo doesn't know about problems of the sexual, physical or a mental nature. And crafts, but those once don't crop up as often as the others.
As the information age took its grip, so too did our favourite agony aunt, spending several hundred pounds on the latest computer equipment available.
The internet took a little longer for poor Mo to get the hang of, but now she welcomes the miserable and dejected from around the world into her home for a bit of on-line care. It's a shame she's so trusting, really.
Hello once again, dear readers!
Forgive me if I have a certain spring in my step today, but I've spent the last week dealing with some of my furthest flung problem petals.
Now, far be it for me to ever ask for anything in return for my little nuggets of advice, but these latest problems promise to bring their own rewards - quite literally!
I was saddened to hear the story of Mohammed Abacha, son of the late Sani Abacha, who was the former military head of state in Nigeria.
Poor old Sani died in 1998, and since then the family has been losing a lot of money due to vindictive government officials. That tale reminded me of the time the council wanted to charge for removing the asbestos from my old mother's loft. Vindictive they were. Vindictive!
Anyway, I digress. Sani's barrister, Fred Oladipo, says the only way out for the family is if they can find someone to look after $75,000,000 United States dollars.
Well, of course I was only too glad to help. I fired off my bank details as fast as I could, and I'm awaiting the first instalment of $25,000,000 any day now. And I get to keep a "generous percentage"!
No sooner had I finished the transaction, then two more tales of a similar nature filtered into my inbox.
In brief, I'm also helping Joseph Chuba Aju transfer $14,000,000 dollars because of a land dispute caused by the death of his father (it's the loss of a loved one that hits me the hardest), as well as Assalamaleku Alekusalama who, following the death of his father, needs to transfer £918,000,000.
So, besides helping three people in little more than 15 minutes, I should also receive enough (somewhere in the region of £47,000,000) that will benefit my WRI's upcoming flower show, and maybe even get that bus shelter outside the doctor's surgery repaired.
All this has left me little time to attend to your needs, dear readers, as apparently the bank is requesting an urgent meeting with me and I'm being advised to bring my solicitor.
Silly me! I should have remembered that anything over £50,000 in my account requires verification by my bank manager.
Till next time,