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BIG BONGOS, BIG BONGOS, DEY'VE GOT DEM IN DE JUNGLE

We've never really warmed to I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! but we're prepared to give the third series the benefit of the doubt for now.
That may be easier said than done when criticism from the likes of Dr David Holmes of Manchester Metropolitan University is brought into play, however.
Speaking of the celebrity desire to remain famous, he described those who undertake reality TV shows as "psychologically vacuous", adding that "the only purpose in life is their fame."
But he doesn't pull any punches with his description, despite the apparent consequences of a continual lack of exposure.
"Without their fame, they would be prone to depression, anxiety and, worst of all, not being recognised in the supermarket," says Dr Holmes.
So a programme where you're guaranteed exposure by taking part in some extremely uncomfortable to watch activities must be exactly the kind of place where you might find, say, a glamourous model, disgraced political figure, former sports hero or ageing voice of the airwaves, for instance.
So hello Jordan (Catalina?), Lord Brockett (Christine Hamilton?), Razor Ruddock (Phil Tufnell?), and Mike Read (Tony Blackburn?).
Despite our cynicism, there's nobody in this year's bunch that immediately sets us hissing, despite our initial determination not to like John Lydon.*
He's provided a few chuckles already though, so we won't write him off just yet.
Even Lord Brockett carries a kind of Carry On style camp factor, and we give full marks to Jordan for allowing her bowl to be filled with bugs last night (we should probably rephrase that, but we won't).
But we're cautious of taking our enthusiasm too far. Just remember the show brought Linda Barker much further into our homes than the tired looking room that some poor couple will find stencilled to buggery and with a budget painted stone floor. And she didn't even bloody win last time.
For the moment we're taking bets on who will get their tits out first. Our money's on Peter Andre.
* Because running around with an air of "I'm not going because I'm desperate to be on the telly" is akin to the sentiment "I only buy The News of The World for its political coverage."

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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