Fucking awful news – BBC Three have decided not to recommission the fantastic Terri McIntyre.
We hope that whichever nitwit is responsible for this outrageous decision is trapped inside Terri's Black Mamba bed with the dial turned up to ten for half an hour, and not given any complimentary aloe vera when he comes out.
And while Terri may not be in our telly any more, we will never forget our favourite Terri-isms:
» "Shut it you – ya cheeky bitch!"
» "You're a maniac wi' a fishslice!"
» "Away and give your optics a squeeze!"
» "I would only kick him out of bed tae shag him on the floor."
» (When told her nemesis, barmaid Helen, has a sister) "Somebody should call the dog catcher and have that pack of mutts rounded up."
» (And, on hearing her ex-boyfriend's new bird was after a job in TV) "Radio Rentals is looking for staff. Try there, ya hound."
Good luck to all the cast and crew in their future projects – especially Terri him/herself, Simon Carlyle. If they're only half as funny as our favourite Classy Bitch, they will still be head and shoulders above most of the pish that remains on BBC Three.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.