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Thursday's Low Points

The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Starsky and Hutch 2.35pm, Five ... The duo discover that a murdered colleague had a secret life – and a secret boyfriend!
» The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 5pm, ITV1 ... ITV seem to think that this is an adequate replacement for Crossroads, but they are wrong. Today's episode is about a lost emu.
» Big Brother's Little Brother 6pm, Channel 4 ... We got hot under the collar yesterday at the sight of Dermot O'Leary dressed up as a cub scout, complete with extremely ill-fitting short shorts. In fact, they were nothing short of cub scout hot pants. He's not likely to be wearing them today, but will still be on it, so watch anyway.
» Bad Girls 9pm, ITV1 ... Di is getting increasingly fed up of her homosexualist husband Neil bringing home random bits of rough trade every night. So she does what any wife would do – hatches a plot with one of the young men to harvest Neil's used condoms, suck out the sperm with a syringe, and insert in in herself so she can have a little baby. The miracle of life!
» Punk'd 10pm, MTV ... Following a distressing encounter with the cover of Rolling Stone magazine on Tuesday, we now love Ashton Kutcher, who is the presenter of this celebrity prank-fest.
» Kirsty's Home Videos 11.30pm, Sky One ... If You've Been Framed is just too funny for your liking, why not try Sky One's offering, which also has 50% more tits and arse and, tonight, a hilarious mishap involving an electrified fence.

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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses. We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.

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