What's that noise? Ghastly inhuman screaming! Grown men wailing: "Make it stop – for the love of the baby Jesus"! It can mean only one thing – plans are afoot for a new series of Footballers Wives.
Sadly, Suzie Amy will not be returning as Chardonnay, and what little brains Jason had were left splattered on the pavement at the end of the last series, so there will be no Cristian Solemino either.
But all is not lost, because gossip suggests Mr Gary Lucy has already signed on the dotted line, after a heart-stopping moment when it looked like he might pull out over plans to make Kyle into a homosexualist. Don't worry, though – a compromise was reached, and instead he will be seen trying to put Little Kyle into as many ladies as possible, in fine example of art imitating life.
In other FW news, the budget's gone up, so the producers have decided to blow the lot on loads of overseas filming – expect to see the cast in Dubai, Mauritius and Miami.
And when can we see this outrageous celebration of all that is rubbish? In the autumn, hopefully. We can't wait.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.