The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman: The Heart Within 3.55pm, Channel 5 ... The doc is back, in TV movie form. We used to like Chad Allen, who played her TV son, Matthew, and was later caught snogging a boy in a hot tub by some paparazzi. He was also Nicole's friend in My Two Dads, a subject we will be returning to in due course.
» Hollyoaks 6.30pm, Channel 4 ... The serial killer's identity is revealed tonight. We've said who we think it is in the Spoiler Zone, but if we get it wrong, don't bother writing in, as we'll just delete the evidence and pretend we never said a word.
» Holby City 8pm, BBC1 ... We don't know if we can bear to watch this, as something extremely unpleasant is going to happen to our beloved little Ben (ie he's going to bleed to death at the side of a road after being mashed by a petrol tanker). Tissues are at the ready (and not for the usual reasons).
» The Color of Night 10pm, Sky One ... We think you see Bruce Willis' bits and pieces in this, if you're into that kind of thing. Which, of course, we're not.
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.