Thursday, May 18, 2006
A call to arms
It's one of the most exciting weeks in the LOWCULTURE calendar, as the EUROVISION SONG CONTEST juggernaut rolls into view, all key changes, duff vocals and dramatic costume switches.
In previous years, we've tried to tell you a bit about all the competitors and what we think of them, and we had every intention of doing so again this year – right up to, but not including, the moment we realised that there are 37 of the fuckers.
That's OK though, because there's actually only one performer that we care about this time around, and it is unlikely to surprise you learn that it isn't the UK entrant, Daz Sampson. No, we only have eyes for Carola, who is representing Sweden with the soaring, epic Invincible. 
Our love affair with this superdiva began when LOWCULTURE and friends got wind that the Harcourt Arms, the London Swedish community's pub of choice, would be showing their Eurovision heats over five Saturdays. So off we went each week, to watch bad pop music, drink pear cider and eye up Swedish men.
The first three heats passed without particular incident, but we heard that something special was afoot for the fourth. Carola, a seasoned Euro pro who had previously hollered her way to victory with Fångad Av En Stormvind in 1991, was to make her triumphant comeback to the world of rubbish pop music after several years.
We were assured that it was no less significant an event than if Madonna herself decided to haul on a pair of Union Jack hotpants and turn out in front of Terry Wogan for the UK selection, and as soon as she took to the stage it was obvious why.
As we watched, in a bar absolutely packed with noisy Swedes and gays, a huge "shhhhh!" went up and the room fell silent for her performance. Our heroine belted out her tune while being battered in the face by the combined force of about 500 wind machines, and the crowd's silence was only broken by a huge cheer when the key change and accompanying fireworks kicked in. It was an scene that will never be forgotten by anyone who witnessed it.
Carola went on to win her heat and, with a bit of what we will politely describe as "massaging of the votes", the national final. But she still has one hurdle to face. Thanks to an outbreak of mass stupidity amongst the Swedish public last year, they sent an absolutely rubbish song, and Carola must suffer the indignity of fighting her way through tonight's semi-finals.
Suffice to say, Carola must pass to the finals in glory and triumph, otherwise we will drown ourselves in a big glass of pear cider. We will be watching her performance in the Harcourt tonight (yes, we're missing the launch of Big Brother - THAT'S how important this is), and urge you to to tune in to BBC3 from 8pm and do the same.
Call 0901 121 3120 or text '20' to 61166 during tonight's voting window and you'll make an old Swedish bird very happy indeed.
PS - There's a rumour she hates gays, but frankly who doesn't, so let's overlook that for the moment, eh?
» MORE CAROLA: Invincible music video :: Melodifestivalen performance :: Eurovision winning performance, 1990
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1 Comments:
Fåghag Av En Stormvind! Go Ca-ROLL-a!
