The schlock you won't want to miss today.
» The Heaven and Earth Show 10am, BBC1 ... Les Dennis discusses his spiritual beliefs, in the context of his status as a Celebrity Big Brother contestant.
» The Next Karate Kid 6pm, Five ... Mr Miyage decides to train up a soppy girl to be the new Karate Kid. As if!
» The Simpsons 6.30pm, Sky One ... We used to preview all the new episodes of The Simpsons, of which this is one. But we don't have Sky any more, so basically, if we can't watch it, we don't much care if you do either. It's really up to you.
» Kylie's Millions 8pm, BBC Three ... We all know Kylie is fucking loaded, due to not having to spend any of her cash on vital arse implants. But on what does she spend all the money she has fleeced out of us by endlessly re-releasing Impossible Princess in slightly different packaging? And how many pairs of hotpants does one girl need? This programme promises us answers - although, in reality, it will mostly comprise supposition, rumour and innuendo. Probably.
» It's My Life 12.120am, ITV1 ... Terry Christian chairs a debate on immigration and race relations, incredible as that may seem.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.