Saturday, April 05, 2003
25 things you never know about the Fame Academy tour (unless you were there too, in which case you probably do)
1. The first night was in the Press and Journal Arena in Aberdeen, which is just down the road from chez lowculture.
2. The students enter wearing Bacofoil clothes.
3. There are at least six people on stage that we have absolutely no memory of.
4. Ainsley lifts his shirt. What can this mean?
5. Tight-fisted Aberdonians buy far fewer glowsticks than people in other cities.
6. Ainslie is a bit funny-looking, but he would still totally get it.
7. Fireworks are good. If we pay £25, we expect to see lots of fireworks.
8. Can't Get You Out Of My Head should be reserved for the exclusive use of Kylie.
9. Pippa is slightly opportunistic for releasing I Don't Want To Miss A Thing in the middle of a war.
10. Pink, and not Marli, is properly equipped for getting parties started.
11. Nigel, Ashley and Chris are cringeworthy, tuneless and not-quite-as-sexy-as-he-thinks-he-is respectively.
12. It is our firm belief that Malachi was wearing slippers throughout.
13. We could not have loved Malachi and Sinead more if they had enjoyed full sex then got married, right there on the stage. Aaaw!
14. Ainslie and Marli might well have actually had full sex on stage during Come Up And See Me (Make Me Smile), but we're not sure.
15. Ainslie does not walk, he slithers.
16. Lemar can sing, but that doesn't stop him wearing stupid coats.
17. Appearing in a puff of smoke, a la Lemar, is officially a Good Thing.
18. Sinead is good, and pisses all over the other girls (not literally, of course).
19. We've seen the future, and it involves text message voting to decide which songs should be played in the second half (50p per minute plus network charges).
20. Ashley's claim that literally 'thousands' of people had texted their votes was immediately contracted by the results which flashed up on the big screens, which proved it was more like literally 'several'.
21. The bold Snedders looks like he fears he will be caught out and given £1.50 for his bus fare home at any minute.
22. Marti Pellow, Elton John and the common weasel are not the most obvious sources of inspiration for one of the nation's top pop acts, but David pulls off this unlikely synthesis to form a new and useful whole.
23. You would not normally expect to encounter Irish murder ballads called Bad, Bad Butcher, about a murderous butcher who kills and eats his customers, during a TV talent show spin-off concert, but occasionally this can be exactly what happens.
24. U2 medleys can be either a very good thing or a very bad thing. Tonight, they were both. And neither.
25. Hoorah for Fame Academy.
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