The schlock you won't want to miss today
» Balamory 11am, 3pm, Cbeebies ... Hoorah! Pre-schoolers have a soap of their very own. And what's more, it stars Effie from out of High Road (RIP) as Susie Sweet. Happily, Balamory is the only small Scottish town that's not in the grip of a heroin epidemic, possibly thanks to the sterling efforts of PC Plum.
» Baywatch 8pm, Trouble ... Wrestling hero Hulk Hogan teams up with the Baywatch lifeguards to try to save a local athletic club from the clutches of a greedy property developer. And – gasp! – Hogan discovers that his arch-enemy Ric Flair is behind the plan and decides to challenge him to a winner-takes-all wrestling bout on the beach. Well, we can't think of a more obvious form of mediation. Can you?
» How Clean Is Your House 8.30pm, Channel 4 ... Aggie and Kim lay down the law to three filthy young barristers.
» Big Brother Africa 9.30pm, E4 ... Watch in amazement as Cameron has the bejesus scared out of him by the shouty African housemates. Will he soap himself up for Shower Hour tonight?
» Is there something else we should be watching? Click on the comment link.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.