We would love to tell you what we think about last night's Holby City. But, as Lowculture Towers is located in Scotland, we can't, because our tartan version of the BBC thinks we should watch it on a Wednesday night, a whole 24 hours after the rest of the nation. Frankly, we're breathless with anticipation.
This delay allows us to enjoy the dubious charms of River City, Scotland's very own soap.
It's the everyday story of the residents of Montego Street in Shieldinch, a fictional Glasgow suburb. As it's set in Scotland, it features lots of people with ginger hair (they put Irn Bru in our water, you see), and also stars her out of Deacon Blue as the heroin-addict prodigal daughter of the main family.
It's actually not quite as bad as it sounds, but nothing and no-one can come between us and our weekly appointment with Sister Kath, so we hate it. Official.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.