The good people at EastEnders must be starting to get a bit nervous by now, seeing as they are getting their arse well and truly kicked by Coronation Street.
So it's understandable that they would want to try to up the ante a bit with some new characters and exciting plots.
Or so you would think.
What they're actually planning is a series of the lamest, most predictable storylines in the history of soap (not including Crossroads, of course).
The Truemans are going to be involved in a 'hilarious' Three Men And A Baby plot when an unfortunate nipper is left on the doorstep, marked for Paul's attention.
And, as if that wasn't bad enough, soapland's worst baddie, Dan Sullivan is making a comeback. We're sure Craig Fairbrass is a nice bloke and all, but Dullivan is completely uninteresting, and actually quite rubbish. He even admits this, as our exclusive picture proves. Let's hope he's on a short-term contract, for all our sakes.
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According to Marxist theory, cultural forms such as opera, classical music and the literary works of Shakespeare all fall under the heading of high culture. Low culture refers to a wide variety of cultural themes that are characterised by their consumption by the masses.
We might not be Marxists, but we do know we loved Footballers Wives. If you do too, you'll know what this is all about.